Posted by: graemebird | August 30, 2006

Global Warming?

1 sez) You know the other day a friend from school came around. He was telling me about farming over in New Zealand.

2 sez) What about farming in New Zealand?

1 sez) Well apparently. Apparently they used to be able to bail all the Hay around Christmas time. Up in the Far North. Leading up to Christmas they could be quite sure of enough rain-free days to…. well make Hay as the sun shines.

2 sez) as it were

1 sez) Yes LITERALLY as it were but now. But now it rains with such frequency that they can’t get it done. Some farmers have given up on bailing hay altogether. And Flos son Kevin. His barn burnt down because the hay was all wet.

2 sez) What a shame hey…

1 sez) Of course now the grass grows all winter so they don’t really need all that bloddy hay but still its such a shame………….

(1&2 go very quiet for a long time. Its an uncomfortable pause)

2 sez) Global Warming?

1 sez) Yes. I’m afraid so.

2 sez) Did you know that the Arctic and Greenland are losing all their ice. Its all melting. And the sea will rise and flood the coastlines and bugger up the Maldives.

1 sez) really. Global warming?

2 sez) Global warming.

1 sez) Well did YOU know that the South Island of New Zealand had its coldest winter since the 1940’s this year. And the Antarctic is accumulating ice and getting colder……

2 sez) Global warming?

1 sez) Well yes for sure.

1 sez) Out at Cronulla the waves started rolling backwards the other day

2 sez) Global warming?

1 sez) Yep…………. Global warming.

2 sez) Well you know over there in Wellington… the wind stopped blowing and all the small children fell over…..

1 sez) Global warming?

2 sez) ‘Fraid so.

1 sez) You know Beverly. She was round visiting her Auntie during school hours and she noticed a couple of kids in school uniform and they were smoking these strange tailor-made cigarettes that smelt funny she said. They were up a tree smoking these strange cigarettes and playing reggae music. And she shouted them down and when they came down they seemed to be wearing what appeared to be tea-cosies on their heads.

2 sez) Bloody Global Warming.

1 sez) You guessed it.

2 sez) You know just the other day. The widow. You know old Martha. She ripped off all her clothes and ran starkers down the main street of KAIKOHE…… But the townsfolk just nodded their heads sadly and wisely. Because they new it was….

1 sez) Global warming?

2 sez) yeah they knew it was Global Warming.

(Based on some dimly remembered Peter Cook and Dudley Moore gag about cancer).



  1. Im getting older by the day. Jsut arrived back from a long one trip and thought to myself in the old days when there was no global warming that trip would have taken a week. But global warming causes all of us to live faster lives.
    Shit, I hate this global warming. Makes me think we need a carbon tax to slow down everything down.

    Just the other day i couldn’t get the car to start and wondered if AGW had anything to do with it.

  2. “I’m getting older by the day.”

    Me too! scary this synchronicity

  3. hey Bird where are you? have you abandoned your blog?>

  4. Well that was a tough night.

    I’m really no good drinking anything stronger then medium-strength beer you know.

    And plus I’ll be making sure that none of the youngsters and small children beat me in an arm-wrestle again…. Meaning I have to get fit and lose some weight more generally… Go through a period of GROWTH-DEFLATION as I described it to you.

    So until I can get some good habits LOCKED IN my computer-time will have to diminish for awhile.

  5. I thought you were supposed to be a hard drinkin’ celt.

  6. Anglo-Saxon-Romano-Celt.

    And more of a soft-drinking Anglo-Saxon-Romano-Celt these days.

    I should clone my liver and grow it anew get the transplant and get back out there I know.

  7. one of my grandfathers apparently drank himself to death.
    we Soons would have alcoholic tendencies if we were undisciplined.

  8. I remember reading about this ancient Chinese poet that stayed drunk for weeks on end to avoid getting married.

    I never remember hearing whether this ploy worked or not.

  9. So until I can get some good habits LOCKED IN my computer-time will have to diminish for awhile.

    well, we’ve got one thing in common, at least.

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