Posted by: graemebird | July 23, 2007


From Catallaxy:

“Bird, where do you come up with this?”

A buddy of mine got a job at the Melbourne Zoo.
And he told me about this Gorilla.
Anyway I went an saw the Gorilla.

My idea of cool at the time was Fonzie in Happy days THE FIRST SERIES ONLY.

This I must emphasise. Only the first series of Happy Days was a masterpiece. Even if it was quite embarrassing to watch it was still a masterpiece (the first series only)….
And thats when Fonzie was authentically cool.

But this Gorilla was MORE cool.

You see these BRAINLESS fucking middle-class parents and kids would come and throw stuff at him. And they would taunt him. And he would just hang out “in curious poses” but every pose he made was one of near-total and sometimes almost random relaxation.

Total zen in terms of this gorillas body language.

But then the kids would still give him shit. And he never let it get to him and didn’t react….


And then suddenly he’d crap-in-his-own hand and in a blink of the eye he’d have thrown it on the crowd………………..

I LOVED that Gorilla.

All I wanted to do is buy him a Harley Davidson and some sunglasses and a red bandana…

…. Just so he could look YET MORE COOL.

“Bird, where do you come up with this?”

In my daydreams I try and fantasise about being as cool as that Gorilla.

Obviously I would need to die and be born again to realise that level of zen.

And out of this fantasy I can answer your question.

The things I say come from the burning up, grinding, digestion, and constant dwelling-on……… dwelling on THE CONSTANT EFFRONTERY that these low-intelligence leftist-bastards PRODUCE!!!!

They cannot help themselves and this makes it even more insulting. If they were out there spitting in your face that would justify immediate action without recourse to thinking hard about things.

But the obliviousness… ????

Its the OBLIVIOUSNESS of their condescension and abuse that gets to me.

The constant abuse sent at us?????….. and much of it under a mind-set so contemptuous that they no longer realise when it is they would give offense… and when not… and they probably never cared.

One fine day ME!!!!!!, that Gorilla, and-my-girl, will break out on a couple of Harleys.

We will break out on a couple of Harley-Davidson Motorcycles and we’ll ride-away from all these stupid children TO A BETTER-TOMMORROW.

And we-three… will be wearing expensive sunglasses, with only the most stylish frames….

And if the Gorilla takes my girl, well thats just the way it goes, and I’ll be happy for the chance.



  1. Is Graeme Bird your real name?

  2. Why do you want to know?

    You offering me a job?

  3. Yes Mr Bird
    As a Senior Fellow in my new think tank. In charge of defence and infrastructure policy. But first I need your credit card details.

  4. Graeme
    I’m offering your arse a job in missile defence.

  5. “Yes Mr Bird
    As a Senior Fellow in my new think tank. In charge of defence and infrastructure policy. But first I need your credit card details.”


    Hey this new guy is cool.

    Hang out fella.

  6. Now Graeme

    Please please please

    Tell us more about the gorilla.

    What kind of bike?

    Vincent Black Shadow?
    Harley Fat Boy?

    Enquiring minds wanna know.

  7. Its been maybe 20 years now. At the time I’d rather have seen Fonzie in a queers whorehouse then that Gorilla on a Jap bike.

    But you know ….. You read a bit. You grow older. And not all of your predjudices stay with you. There are other bikes that look cool now. I haven’t looked into the matter.

    That old Gorilla will be old now like me. I’m supposing he’d be better off on a hog but I wouldn’t presume to make his decisions for him. I’m not going to throw that sort of attitude on him man.

    You don’t lay that sort of shit on someone who can so effectively give it right back.

  8. Fair enough.

    I reckon he’s either a Fat Boy monkey or a Vincent Black Shadow kinda ape. Hunter S. Thompson could not be wrong about bikes.

    And he was right to throw his shit at the shits. Throw it Kong man, throw it hard.

    PS: I’m serious re. my what kind of Economist are you question. Maybe you should post on the subject.

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